November 1982, NSPCC disco, Worplesdon, Surrey.

I, along with 250 teenagers, have downed the last of the fruit punch. Outside there’s an army of estate cars with irritated parents waiting for the party to end. Inside, I have at last summoned enough courage to prise myself off the wall and shuffle onto the dancefloor where, to the sounds of René and Renate’s ‘Save Your Love’, I manage to score my first kiss. Blimey!

Sadly, Melissa (how could I forget) and I never formed a relationship. No matter how much pocket money I expended on red stationery and silver pens, my billets-doux were never returned. It was an early lesson in relationships.

Twenty-seven years on, I’m struck by the way in which relationships in all walks of life – particularly how they start and are maintained – have changed. It’s not just that everyone’s using social media to filter, flirt and form relationships; it’s that communication itself has changed. Relationships start via email, SMS or IM (rather than letters or school discos). But, while the ways in which we build relationships have broadened, there are still some enduring truths to maintaining them. Truths built on principles of mutual attraction, respect and trust – the key word being mutual.

Brand relationships follow very similar rules to personal relationships. We talk about ‘promiscuous consumers’, ‘loyalty’ and ‘affinity’. But at the heart of it all, a relationship is about mutuality – you give and take in (broadly) equal measure.

I hear you already. What on earth has this got to do with customer publishing? Well, publishing agencies are unique in understanding mutuality – the need to give and take. We all know it’s no longer acceptable (or profitable) to interrupt and bombard a customer. The consumer holds much of the power once held by brands. Publishing agencies understood this long before it was either fashionable or a reality.

When your brand relationship with customers is malfunctioning, it’s worth taking time out to consider why. Counsellors at Relate are trained to spot the signs of malfunctioning in personal relationships. Brands can apply similar principles to make sure problems don’t emerge in their relationships with customers. Here are seven guiding principles:

• Communication: magazines are wonderfully habit-forming. They build anticipation and, if produced well and published frequently, become part of a customer’s life.

• Honesty: it’s a given. No brand survives without a core truth, without authenticity. Dasani, New Coke, smokeless cigarettes anyone?

• Excitement: not to be confused with interruption. A brand campaign overawes through repetition; a great customer publication delivers excitement through  compelling stories and imagery. As for solus messages repeated ad infinitum, that’s just nagging.

• Relevance: focus on what people actually want to read, rather than what a brand wants to say. It’s the difference between having a conversation and shouting. More relevance equals more use equals greater loyalty.

• Support: give customers real value over and above the purchase, something that enhances the brand experience rather than bluntly going for the upsell or cross-sell.

• Time: customer magazines are unique in delivering (on average) 25 minutes of reader engagement. 25 minutes! Compare that to the average 30-second TV spot; to the time it takes to highlight and delete a spam email; to the distance from your doormat to the bin for the average piece of DM.

• Diversify: publishing agencies no longer deliver through a single channel (ie. magazines). We’ve long understood and adapted to digital and social media trends. Customers respond to different media in different ways at different times.

So there we have it. Seven simple rules to building a successful relationship – all of which are inherent in any effective customer publication. Which is why publishing agencies are uniquely placed to build, sustain and deepen the relationship between a brand and its customers. We understand what it takes to establish a rapport, to build trust and to deliver content that people actually want to read… and will respond to positively.

If only I’d known that at the NSPCC disco in 1982.